29.11.13

My brain, My Mind, My thoughts ♥ I'm not a Sheep, I'm an Individual


When I think about my life, I always get an overwhelming sense of emptiness –and it’s so depressing because I know I have a beautiful life. I’m so, so fortunate for my situation, you guys don’t even know how lucky I am, I don’t think my brain has even comprehended how blessed I am.

I don’t want to bore you with my life story, but when I look back I can see how much I’ve grown as a person, but I feels like I’m slipping back to old habits –bad habits, maybe I’m not, maybe I just have higher standards…or maybe I don’t know how to better myself anymore.

I’m not going to lie; for my age I’m quite immature, if there was a such thing as Never land, where I didn’t have to grow up I’d be there chilling with peter pan! I’m not immature in the sense of ‘OMG look at her she’s blah, blah, blah’, I just don’t want to do what people may age are doing. Perhaps slow developer would be the correct term.

People who don’t know me well often assume I’m mature because I don’t do what everyone else does ‘Socially’ my age or what have you; I have really bad social anxiety and to be honest I try not to let it stop me from doing things, but I pretty much regret it as soon as I’ve done ‘the thing’, in most social situations I just feel like a leach!

But, directionless emotional typing aside, I going to just accept it…because I don’t want to change just to fit it, I’m not going to try and fit in no more, so what if I don’t want to get drunk all the time, experiment with drugs, get a boyfriend, do things without my parents…post dog poop though someone’s letter box, I don’t know! And when people question why I don’t want to do these things, I’m going to simply answer with:

‘I’m an individual, not a sheep…I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing’

Actually feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, thank you very much blogger!  
 

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